Day Seven: Arlington, TX

Not a whole lot happened today. Burned my way through Arkansas, which has some of the worst roads I've ever been on, but that really isn't too surprising. Little Rock looked meh so I didn't bother stopping there. At one point the highway traffic stopped dead for 10 minutes and I was not pleased, then it finally started going again and I have no idea why it stopped so I became less pleased. Other than that it was OK.

Then I drove for what felt like ever through Texas and barely got anywhere. The drive was pretty boring until I got to Lake Ray Hubbard, which looked awesome and I never would have guessed such a place existed in Texas and I would have taken pictures if I wasn't driving. It probably looked even better because it was right before Dallas, which didn't look especially good.

But as I was driving, I saw the best billboard ever. Again, no picture, a) because I was driving and b) it was one of those electronic billboards that cycles through images. But it was for something called the Saggy Pants Summit or something. Apparently there's a politician in Dallas that is extremely opposed to kids wearing their pants saggy and showing their boxers/butts or whatever. I guess people don't have anything worthwhile to worry about in Dallas. It was hilarious. The summit is two days from now and I almost sorta seriously considered staying in town so I could go to it with my pants sagged. I think it's OK since I'm white. How long could this summit go on for, like a minute? "SAGGY PANTS ARE BAD" and then let's all go home.

Look at this idiot and his dumbass sign. "Big Mama Says: PULL 'EM UP! Keep it a secret." Newsflash, asshole: Even if you're wearing pants, people can essentially see what your butt looks like. And I guess seeing a butt with boxers on, which are shorts (which are more than OK to wear in public), is just too much for Dallas to deal with. Oh the humanity. It's not like there's dudes walking around with their pants sagging showing off a thong or something. So shut up and quit wasting everyone's time, Hank Hill. A google search said Big Mama is someone who makes chicken and waffles in Dallas, but I don't know if this is the same one. And I don't care. Big Mama can cram it and so can this asshole whose name I'm not gonna even bother looking up.

/end rant

Here's the view from my hotel balcony, overlooking a highway and an abandoned gas station, but whatever, BALCONY. I guess a bunch of MMA fighters are staying in this hotel because there's a fight on tomorrow or something. But I don't know anything about those guys and will probably only recognize them in the hall if they are 5'5" and covered in tattoos and then kick the shit out of me for underestimating them. Unless Lyoto Machida is there, then I will ask to see his hard left from the videogame Jeff and I played.

I went to a bar called Humperdink's to watch the football game. I drank a beer called "Butt Face." Wondered why they called it that and almost asked the bartender but then I looked at the picture on the tap and there's too rams butting ... faces? I don't think that's what they really do, oh well. I guess Butt Face is funnier than "Head Butt" or "Horn Ram." There was this guy sitting a few seats from me and he was giving some chick (wife?) a shoulder rub. And every time someone walked by he was like "Hey, I bet you want one, too!" And every time, that other person was like "Hmmm yah ok pal." But the sad truth is I kinda wanted one because I'm kinda sore from all this driving.

There was so much booze in this place that they needed a ladder to reach it. Cliche warning: EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN TEXAS.

It's kinda hard to read, but this says "Arlington's Tallest Bar." I guess that's something to brag about. Look at all that wasted space that they could have packed booze into.

Here are the brewing vats. I should mention again that the beer was really good. Also had the Oktoberfest. It was only $4.50 for a 22 ouncer. That's great value.

I was down the street from Jerral World, aka Cowboys Stadium and oh my shit this place is goddamn immense. Simply HUGE. The lady at the front desk of the HoJo I'm staying in tried to tell me all this stuff to do in Arlington this week, even though I told her I was only here for a night. And my reservation is only for the night. But I guess bless her heart for trying. Yes, she was missing teeth.

Fuck, this place is enormous.

LOL.

I can't imagine being a bowling researcher. What's to research? "Gee, Wendell, my super-scientific research tells me that you should try and knock down all the pins. I know what you're thinking, but come on and listen to me. Knock all of them over."

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Something tells me that Roswell will be less weird than Arlington.